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Twitter: Maybe, your updates? You can also put your short introductions of yourself. Keep it long. Also, you can put your hit counter here. Quotes: We might kiss when we are alone, when nobody's watching. We might take it home, we might make out when nobody's there. It's not that we're scared. It's just that it's delicate.
Saturday, April 15, 2006, 2:59 pm
i need to get this off my chest fast.


Dearest Sister,

I don't know where I should begin. But I'm sorry sister. Yes, I admit that it was my mistake that I got home a little bit late last night.

I really don't know what's your problem. I've tried my best to impress you. But you showed nothing at all. Mom and Dad never showered or pampered me with gifts, and I never want you to do so. I don't even care. All I ever want from you is to at least understand and show me that you really love and care for me.

I don't want to compare you with my friends' sister. But I envied them because they can get so close that they are able to tell each other secrets and stuffs. They do things together and tell each other jokes. But you never did those things with me. Never. You turned me down everytime i asked you out. But all i ever wanted was to spend some time with you. But it seemed so hard.

I did everything I could to impress you. I wanted to show you that I'm independent and have matured over the past years. I want you to treat me like an adult, not like a little kid that you can boss around. You never tried to ask me whether I'm doing well in school or if I'm facing any problems. You kept asking me to understand you and give you some space. I never irritates you. I never give you any problems. But why can't you do the same thing on your part?

I know your intentions are good, but why must you be so unreasonable and demanding? For all the smallest matter, you'll shout at me and say things that wounded my heart. You said you have gone through those teenage years and you know what it feels like to be a teenager. But why in the fucking world can't you be just a little bit more understanding? You never appreciate what I've did for you. You never congratulate me or say that you're proud of me. You didn't even thanked me for all the stuffs that I've done for you. Why?

You always come up with assumptions and accused me of doing something that I did not do. Why must you be so kind and nice towards your friends but not me? Why can't you treat me nicely? Why must your words be so harsh and hurtful? When I rebelled or go against you, you said I'm such a ruthless person. You said I've no manners. You said I'm mixing with the wrong company. You always said that Mum and Dad pampered me too much that I've become such a spoilt child. But hell fucking no. I never get what I wanted. Mum and Dad was never biased. So stop saying that.

And when something goes wrong, you put all the blame on me. Not only on me, but on everyone in the house. Don't you ever spare a thought for others? What about other people's feelings that you've hurt all these years? You know that you're a very short-tempered person, but you did nothing to mend your ways. Even the pettiest thing can get you all upset and agitated and very very angry. Hence, because of last night incident we're not on speaking terms.

Why can't we get along well sis? Why must you point out all the bad points in me but not in you? You did things that embarassed me in public a few years back. I can still remember it vividly. I asked myself why must you do this to me. But I never managed find the answer. Tell me, what must I do to make you happy? What must I do so that you'll be proud of me? I'm really confused.

I don't wish to berate with you. I don't wish to talk to you either. But I need to let it all out and I need some space now. Let things be this way first. I need a breather and there's a lot of things gnawing at the back of my head.

I just want you to know that, I never asked for a perfect sister, nor did I asked to be borned in this world. I know I have caused you a lot of trouble. And it wouldn't be troublesome if I wasn't borned. All I ever want from you is to give me some space and stop forbidding me from doing things that I enjoyed doing. And you shouldn't take away my freedom too. And I just want to spend some time with you because I don't want our relationship to drift apart any further.

I know this year is very crucial for me. I don't want you to get so paranoid or worry about me too much. I'm turning seventeen soon and I know what I should do. I know how to take care of myself too. I know you want me to do well academically and I want to make Mum Dad and you proud. I know you want the best for me, but taking away my freedom so that I'll concentrate more on my studies isn't the solution. Instead, it'll make me more angry and rebellious. Yes, time is running short and I'm running out of time. But I do not need your constant reminders.

I know that you don't give a damn fuck about this. I'm doleful and you don't care cos you have nothing to lose.

But the saddest thing is that, my friends aren't here to be with me. Oh wells.

There's no one that can replace you. Although you may give me the cold shoulder sometimes, I will still I love you kak oked. I really do.



Lots of love,
Raidah.